Nuts in the Attic
by Red Witch
Summary: When the Brotherhood decides to clean out the attic for some cash, they find nothing but insanity!


**I've said it before and I'll keep saying it, I don't own any X-men Evolution characters! Got it? Just another mad fic from yours truly!**

**Nuts in the Attic**

"Toad!" Pietro called out. "Wanda! Lance! Where is everybody? Why is it whenever I want to call a meeting everybody disappears?"

"I'm here Pietro," Fred waved.

"Really Blob I didn't notice," Pietro rolled his eyes. "What about the others?"

"Well Lance went out to get gas for his jeep," Fred told him. "At least I think it was for his jeep. He kept muttering something about gasoline and matches. Which is funny since Lance doesn't smoke."

"O-kay," Pietro said. "So where are the other two?"

"They went upstairs a while ago," Fred followed him upstairs. "Which is kind of funny since I haven't heard her beating him up for at least an hour."

"I thought it was a little quiet," Pietro scratched his head. "You don't think she killed him do you?" 

"I dunno…I…hey! Look at that!" Fred pointed to a ladder leading to a hole in the roof. "I've never noticed that before!"

"That's the attic stupid," Pietro said. "Wait a minute…Wanda?"

"Up here!" Wanda called out. "And bring some garbage bags. I got a real big mess to clean up. Oh this is so gross! I never would have done this if I had realized how disgusting this was!"

Both boy's eyes went wide and they looked at each other. "Oh no!" Pietro turned white. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew she'd snap one day!"

"She did kill him," Fred gulped. "Poor little guy. He never had a chance!"

"I know Toad was annoying but he wasn't that bad!" Pietro whimpered. 

"Will you two idiots get up here and help me or do I have to take this thing out to the dump myself?" Wanda shouted. 

"Oh god she wants us to help us get rid of the body," Pietro gulped. 

"Yeah and if we don't help her we'll be next…" Fred whimpered. "I'm scared Pietro! I'm…"

"Will you just take this thing already!" Wanda threw something down at them. 

It landed on Fred. "AGGGHHH!" They both screamed.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Fred screamed hysterically. "Get it off me!" 

"It's just a dummy, Dummy!" Pietro snapped. Sure enough it was a dress mannequin. "Wanda what are you doing up there?" Both of them went upstairs and found Wanda surrounded by boxes and other items.

"I'm cleaning out the attic," Wanda told them. "You would not believe how dusty it is up here!"

"Cleaning?" Pietro blinked. 

"Yeah. What else would I be doing?" She snapped.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Pietro nervously held up his hands. 

"But why are you cleaning up here?" Fred asked.

"Well I figured maybe there's something in here we can use," Wanda told him. "And everything else we can pawn and get some cash."

"Hey that's a pretty good idea," Pietro admitted. "I wonder why we didn't think of that sooner?" 

"Probably because you morons were too busy wrecking the place to start with," Wanda grumbled. "Toad do you have those boxes?'

"Right here Cuddlebumps!" Todd waddled in with a stack of boxes that were taller than he was. Typically he couldn't hold them and he fell, knocking the contents all over the place. "Oops!" 

"You asked Toad to help you clean out the attic?" Pietro asked.

"Well I figured if I couldn't get rid of him I might as well put him to work," Wanda shrugged.

"Smart plan," Pietro nodded.

"Yeah not to mention I got to eat all the bugs I could find!" Todd smiled. "I'm stuffed!" 

"The place was crawling with spiders," She explained. "So I sent Toad up here first to do some exterminator work while I got ready." 

"Not a creepy crawly left in the place!" Todd told them. "And best of all there's some great stuff up here! Look at these old records!" He showed them. 

"Let me see that," Fred took a look and read the titles. "Meet the Beatles, Elvis Live, Aerosmith's first album…Man she's got dozens of old albums up here!" 

"Yeah I figure we could use them for target practice or something!" Todd said happily. "But this is what I like!" He took out a stuffed mongoose. 

"What the heck is that?" Fred asked.

"It's one of those taxidermy things," Todd smiled. "It's a stuffed mongoose yo!" 

"Why would Mystique have a stuffed mongoose in her attic?" Pietro asked.

"Why would Toad want a stuffed mongoose in his room?" Wanda asked. 

"I need it for my newest plan," Todd laughed maniacally. "As soon as I get the rest of the stuff I need…Watch out X-Geeks!" 

"What the heck kind of plan…?" Wanda started to ask.

"Wanda! Stop!" Pietro warned. "Trust me. You really do not want to know the answer to that question. Just let him have his mongoose and everyone will be happy. For a while anyway." 

"Hey maybe there's stuff in here we'd all like!" Fred started rummaging through the boxes. 

"Well, might as well," Pietro said. "Mystique's not coming back for a long time." 

"Hey some of these clothes aren't half bad," Wanda looked through them. "A little altering and get rid of a few sequins…and some frills…. And…are those cow bells? What kind of outfit is this?" 

"Hey look at this!" Todd picked up a scrapbook. "I got a picture of Blue Boy in a dress!"

"Let me see that!" Pietro grabbed it. "That's Mystique you moron!"

"Oh yeah," Todd looked at the photo. "Pink really isn't her color." 

"The pigtails don't suit her either," Fred snickered. 

"Oh we gotta save this!" Pietro laughed. "This is great blackmail material! What else is in here?" 

"I wonder if this lady's Mystique's momma?" Todd pointed to the picture. "She don't look happy." 

"Then the odds are she probably is her mother," Pietro said. "Hmmm, so that's what the Furball's grandma looks like." 

"I remember my grandma," Fred sighed. "She was the best. She raised me since I was a baby. My mom dumped me to become a showgirl in Vegas when I was born. But she loved me so much it didn't matter. I was so happy living on the farm with her. And then bam! One day she was gone!" 

"Freddy I'm sorry," Wanda put a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't know."

"Was it…you know? A long illness?" Pietro asked.

"Oh no, it was very sudden," Fred sniffed. "The FBI came totally without warning and arrested her. I'll never forget the last time I saw her. I mean how could you forget a sweet silver haired old woman in handcuffs beating up an entire squad of men with nothing but a rolling pin in her teeth?" 

"I'd find that pretty unforgettable," Pietro said. "Any-way what else is in here?" 

"Look at this!" Wanda picked a strange object up. "It looks like some kind of video game thing." She read the writing on the box. "Merlin…plays 9 games including Tic Tac Toe and memory. Must be an old video game."

"I remember hearing about these things," Fred picked it up and started playing with it. "This is when the first electronic games started coming out. Hey it still works! Let me try some Tic Tack Toe…oh man. I lost already. Let me try this again." 

"Hey look!" Pietro held up some cymbals. "My cymbals! I wondered what happened to them!" 

"You play the cymbals?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah Mystique put me in band class when I first got here but after a couple of lessons she had me kicked out," Pietro told her. "I wonder why! Listen to this!" He immediately started clanging them together. 

"It's a mystery to me," Todd grumbled as he held his fingers in his ears. "Wanda…"

"I'm on it!" Wanda told him. She used her powers to spin the cymbals out of his hands into the wall. 

"Thanks a lot Pietro!" Fred snapped. "You made me lose my concentration! I lost again! Let's try…no! Aw man this is harder than it looks!"

"Forget the game Blob and help me with this," Wanda told him, dragging out a box. "It's locked!"

"Not for much longer Cutie-Pie," Todd cracked his knuckles and took out a pin. "Stand back and watch the master. Voila!" The box opened. 

"If I didn't see it for myself I wouldn't have believed it," Pietro said. "You do have some skills!"

"Ha, ha funnyman," Todd said. "So what's inside the box, Sugarplum? Cash? Stocks? Bonds?" 

"No, a bunch of bags. What is all this stuff?" Wanda looked at them. "It's candy! Rock candy!" 

"Oh man look at all this rock candy," Todd said. "I wonder if it's any good?"

"Only one way to find out," Fred munched down on one. "Hey it's not even stale! In fact…it tastes pretty good. Whoa…"

"I remember this!" Pietro said. "We stole this stash after a mission long before Asteroid M blew up! Wonder why she hid this stuff up here?" 

"This is good candy!" Fred crowed. 

"Let me see!" Todd gulped one down with his tongue. "Hmmm! Tasty!"

"Why not?" Wanda shrugged as she and Pietro downed one. 

"Hey this stuff is good! You would think that after all this time the candy would…" Pietro started to say. Then he took a good look at Todd. "Toad? Why are your eyes spinning like that? Oh boy…" Ten seconds later he found out. 

About twenty minutes later Lance came home. "I'm back," He shouted. "Guys?" He heard laughter upstairs. "Oh great. What are they up to now?"

He went upstairs into the attic and found quite a sight. Wanda and Pietro were wearing old 70's clothes and dancing to an old tape they had found. Fred was in the corner with an orange wig on playing with something. He kept muttering "Just one more game, just one more game…"

"Okay let me guess what happened," Lance looked around and saw discarded bags of rock candy all over the place. "You guys found the candy stash. Am I right?" 

"You got it baby!" Pietro spun around, sending a cloud of dust all over the place. Wanda sneezed and laughed, using her hex bolts to make all the objects in the attic dance around. 

Lance's eyes went wide as he saw several outfits jump up and move as if they were dancing. "Well this is something you don't see everyday…" He commented.

"Almost got it…Almost….AGGGGHHH!" Fred screamed. "YOU STUPID MERLIN! BAD MERLIN! BAD MERLIN!" 

"Coming through!" Pietro was now on a pair of old roller skates and whooshing around the attic. 

"Oh great," Lance groaned. "You're all high on fermented rock candy! This cannot get any weirder!" 

"I am the Mongoose of Truth!" A stuffed mongoose poked out of the boxes. Todd spoke in a funny voice. "Listen up and fear me! Hahahahaha!" 

"Once again I'm proven wrong," Lance rolled his eyes. 

"All hail the Mongoose of Truth!" Wanda and Pietro laughed.

"NO! WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS? WHY? WHY? WHY?" Fred threw down the game and started pounding on it. "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME WIN? YOU ARE EVIL! EVIL!" 

"Nuthouse," Lance grumbled as he went back downstairs. "I'm living in a freaking nuthouse!" 


End file.
